Likability, common sense, and courtesy in the workplace

My sister Patti called this morning on her way to work. She does this now and then just to catch up. We don’t live in the same area and are so busy with our jobs, homes, and families that we don’t see each other nearly often enough. We need to work on that.

Patti has worked for many years for a huge government contractor. But that has absolutely no bearing on the topic of this post. The size doesn’t matter in terms of co-worker relationships. The only reason I’m bringing up our conversation is that I found it cosmic that just as I was doing some research for this post, she said something that reinforced the universal importance of likability and getting along with our co-workers.

Patti’s boss was telling her about a new hire in her group and when he would be starting. Her only question for him was, “How’s his likability?”

You may think this a trivial question, but think again. Regardless of how smart and skilled a co-worker may be, his or her lack of likability and people skills can throw a monkey wrench in an otherwise cohesive, amiable, productive team.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that everyone has to be Joe or Jane Cool and the life of the office. Not at all. In fact, people who are too gregarious can be disruptive in their own way. We’ll get to that.

The impetus for this post was a Forbes article “Nine Things That Make You Unlikable.” This article showed in my Facebook timeline the other day. I had to read it, because as humans and technology evolve, new unlikable traits emerge. I wanted to see if I am guilty of any of these negative qualities.

The article began by stating, “Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

“In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 descriptions of people based on their perceived significance to likability. The top-rated descriptors had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top descriptors were sincerity, transparency, and capable of understanding (another person).”

What followed was one of those maddening (to me), slow-loading slideshows, one for each of the nine behaviors. To save you from having to navigate the information, I’m listing them in the order in which they were presented in the article:

• Sharing too much too early
• Having a closed mind
• Gossiping
• Name-dropping
• Whipping out your phone
• Emotional hijacking (exploding at someone)
• Not asking enough questions
• Being too serious
• Humble bragging

I imagine we all are guilty of some of these at times. Our objective should be to recognize when we are and change the behavior. Change isn’t easy, but it can be done.

Personally, I believe this list is incomplete when it comes to likability, common sense, and consideration in the workplace. I would add the following negative behaviors:

• Being too nosey
• Delaying others’ work by not completing your part on time
• Showing up at work ill and exposing others
• Disrupting and distracting co-workers who are focused on their tasks
• Engaging in long, loud phone conversations

I could add additional items to these lists and cite personal experiences to illustrate them. I’m sure you could too. And, yes, I am guilty of some of these behaviors.

Finally, here’s a story that illustrates two different schools of thought regarding workplace likability. In a previous job, I managed a group. Just like any team, its members had different personalities and workstyles. Occasionally a conflict would occur between two or more team members. I always attempted to resolve situations rather than let them fester, when it was clear that nothing was going to change if I didn’t. That’s a manager’s responsibility. One individual possessed very good technical skills, but she could not—or would not—attempt to get along with co-workers. Her attitude was hostile. Snarky might be a better way to describe it.

I met with her to discuss her job performance. When we began to talk, she said, “Well, I’m doing my job, aren’t I?” My response was, “No. Part of your job is to get along with your co-workers. We are in this together, and we need to work as a respectful team.” She balked. No one likes to be told they need to change. It wasn’t easy for her, but she eventually came around and the team atmosphere was better. Not perfect, but better.

That’s what we all should strive for, to be better in all aspects of life, including getting along with and being considerate of our co-workers.